How To Get A Girl In 10 Months #1: Setting Out The Mission
I would be lying if I said that I haven’t fantasised about finding my one true love whilst on my year abroad, and I would be an even bigger liar if I said this wasn’t something I’ve been thinking about since I was 16. To complicate matters, and in true lesbian fashion, I have just gotten out of a 3-year, long-distance relationship. Three months on, I am no way near ‘over it’. I think this is implied by the very existence of this column. I am all over the place with not much to show for it other than so-called lessons in heartbreak and self-discovery. Let's just say the emotional remnants of this relationship have all-inclusive wristband access to all of my future romantic endeavours.
While I have been extremely fortunate to have found love at such a young age, and to have broken up with my girlfriend (sort of) amicably, I think there’s a serendipity in having my life break down so catastrophically. Even if I don’t feel it yet. I am a hopeless romantic, and my rose-tinted glasses only came off once I was suddenly left in my own company. I still find myself wanting to reach for these rose-tinted glasses every so often, and I don’t doubt that I’ll be sporting them minutes into meeting any girl I’m interested in.
As of right now, I am testing the waters... which has been incredibly daunting. Much to the dismay of my friends, I have downloaded Hinge, made-out with friends, and have even experimented with men. The latter has been a learning experience, if I were forced to try and compliment it. I can’t count how many times I’ve been told: “You’re probably bisexual, you just need to find the right man!”, or “why don’t you try it on with so-and-so? He seems lovely”. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Irish Catholic family. To be honest, I can’t say that I’ve pulled away from my recent kisses with men and thought, yep, my family is right! But who knows, maybe the men I’ll come across in my year abroad will change my mind?
There is a part of me that is so excited to put myself out there, and to allow myself to move on. The entire year will be filled with new experiences, and I’m welcoming this. For example, I can’t wait to try my hand at flirting on nights out! My friends have told me that I could successfully flirt with a wooden plank, so I’m hoping that these skills will translate well into French and Spanish. They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and I won’t deny that I’m planning to try this method. While I’m hopeful that the cards I have been dealt will be a blessing in disguise, there is another part of me that’s terrified.
Overall, I think I’m scared of the rejection, the embarrassment, the disappointment. Failure can be a lesson in disguise, but I don’t want to fail. Why would anyone? Aside from over the phone, I’ve never really experienced the ebbs and flows of a friendship turning into something more over time. I had hoped that changing my location from London to Geneva on Hinge would feel like a personal liberation of sorts, but I’ve realised that I’m doing more of the same, just now in a different language. During my relationship, I was convinced that I would get married to my ex-girlfriend. Nowadays I use my imperfect French as a copy-and-paste pick up line.
This column will serve as my personal diary of thoughts, feelings, and experiences with sex and relationships during my exchange in Switzerland and Spain. This is the type of thing that King’s doesn’t do talks on, so hopefully upon my return, you can know what to expect with handling Queer relationships and ‘unchecked baggage’ on your year abroad. And if all goes well, maybe this will eventually be your unofficial guide on how to get a girl in 10 months.
My current soundtrack of feelings pre-departure:
Get Gone – Fiona Apple, 1999
Maybe This Time – Liza Minnelli, 1964
Lady Grinning Soul – David Bowie, 1973
Crush – Ethel Cain, 2021
Favourite – Fontaines D.C, 2024
Edited by Rosa Levenson, Sex & Relationships Editor
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