I Miss Riding Roller Coasters With My Dad
For my eighth birthday, when I was still living in Texas, my parents surprised me. They told me we were going to California for my dad’s business trip. Funnily enough, I was genuinely thrilled because they told me the hotel had a pool. Imagine the excitement of eight year old me when she found out that not only was there a pool, but we were at Disneyland. Before this trip I had never ridden a roller coaster before, yet I followed my dad onto one with no hesitation. Of course I did, because he is awesome. I still have all the pictures of me on the rides, and in a lot of them you can only see the top of my head, but I know it’s me because in every single one my dad is looking down at me to make sure I’m having a good time.
I went to Disneyland a few more times between ages eight and sixteen. Every night we were there, my dad and I stayed in the park from opening to close riding all the rollercoasters we could. These are some of my favourite memories in the world, and if you knew my dad you would understand why. My dad has been my idol for as long as I can remember. He is one of the funniest people you will ever meet and he has the best laugh I have ever heard. He lights up every room he is in - he has got this quality that just makes people want to be around him.
In September of 2020, during the Covid-19 pandemic, my dad started experiencing vision problems and numbness in his body. This was then followed by another worrying symptom: hiccups that never seemed to go away. By November he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.
Before I continue, I feel I should clarify that he is currently alive and well for any concerned readers. In fact it’s his being alive that has taught me so much. I don’t think I had really known what true fear was until this time. The order of events gets fuzzy in my head, but the memory of the fear has never faded. Because of the tumour’s effect on his vision, my dad had to stop driving. Growing up when he would drive me around, we’d always sing along to music. One of my fondest memories is putting on ‘Toxicity’ by System of a Down, and he’d sing whilst little me would go crazy on my imaginary drum-set. I remember feeling a suffocating panic as I convinced myself that I had taken those car rides for granted. Every day I wished for one more musical car ride with my dad.
We were told by his doctor that if a certain amount of time passed and the tumour didn’t bleed, the risk of it affecting anything or the side effects coming back became extremely low. Time did pass and the tumour didn’t bleed. Eventually his vision was back to normal and he could drive again! You better believe as soon as we could we went on a long drive with music. However, there were some things my dad couldn’t do anymore because they were a risk. The big no-no: riding roller coasters. I didn’t expect this to affect me as much as it did, and initially I didn’t really think of it as there had been so much going on. Then it hit me one day that it just wouldn’t happen again. There wouldn’t be a silly picture of us with our hair blown back, I wouldn’t hear his laugh as we went through the loops and drops.
I think about riding roller coasters with my dad almost every day. It has made me consider a lot of the things I take for granted. When you’re doing something you don’t assume it’s the last time you’ll ever do it. Even the mundane things I try to soak up as much as possible. Now, going to the grocery store with my dad is more fun than going on a rollercoaster. After my dad’s diagnosis, I started keeping a list of anything that made my day happier. Here are a couple I’ve written down recently:
I saw a fox two nights in a row when walking to my flat!!
When walking to the tube I saw a little girl dressed as Paddington Bear, and heard her mom ask her if she thinks Paddington likes taking the tube.
All of my favourite memories are of simple times with my loved ones. Being so far from home, they are often all I have of my family. When I need comfort, I remember how my mom and I used to have picnics with my stuffed animals. If I need a laugh, I remember when my childhood best friend and I tried to build a pool in her front yard, and all we had was tarp and wooden benches. You might not believe me, but the pool stunt actually worked.
I think we take a lot for granted because we just assume it will happen again, but the reality is that we never know when we’ll do something for the last time. I found that life got a lot happier for me when I began to treat the little things like the most exciting part of my day. It is hard to find contentment if we’re always just waiting for the next big thing to happen. Most of life is made up of those mundane moments, but I think that mundanity disappears when you’re with someone you love.
Edited by Roxy-Moon Dahal Hodson
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