The Situationship Curse
There is a generational curse placed on us Gen Zers called the Situationship Curse. Despite this curse existing for centuries, starting perhaps with the likes of Julius Caesar and Cleopatra, it has received much more attention in the last few years. If you do not know about the Situationship Curse, which I highly doubt, it is an awkward situation between you and your love interest. It is the point where you are at a stalemate of not knowing how to act. It is like in war, where there is a No Man’s Land between you that you cannot cross, or you risk exposing your true feelings. The growth of situationships is evident as it was first coined in Urban Dictionary in 2006 and as of this year made its way into the Cambridge Dictionary. Nevertheless, the definition of a situationship is still ambiguous. The Cambridge Dictionary attempted to define it as “a romantic relationship between two people who do not consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship.” Nevertheless, British Vogue, the Bible for Gen Zers describes it as “anything from a poorly defined friends-with-benefits arrangement to an ongoing, unlabeled flirtation to a long-distance thing that isn’t quite romantic”. Clearly, we can already see how this can be confusing.
I believe that most people who have experienced a situationship can agree that it feels like a war in which you act like a secret intelligence officer gathering intel on your love interest so you can accidentally bump into them or figure out what they think of you. The situationship is like a game of chess which keeps you on the edge of your seat not knowing what comes next, luring you in. The game makes it that much more appealing. For some people, the situationship is more similar to Cluedo, where it drives them so insane they enter the crazy dimension of plotting the love interest’s accidental demise (always allegedly).
Nevertheless, the fact that a situationship leaves you constantly guessing the next move allows for the film scenarios to develop in your head. No one can outright deny that when they have been a player in the Situationship Curse they have not created mental films about what the relationship could look like if it ever took a left turn off the highway of situationships and entered the urban comfortable living of relationships. It is all filled with what-ifs: What if they wake up and decide I am the person for them? What if in an actual relationship, we get bored of each other, and it ends horribly? What if we stay together for years? What if they ever find out how much my friends hate them and beg me to stay away from them? Well, the reality of it, in most cases, is that you will never get the answer to all the what-ifs… they will all simply remain a fantasy world that you were not able to enter.
You might be asking yourself if situationships are so maddening and confusing why enter into one in the first place? Well, situationships generally are not planned. However, the continuance of a situationship can be explained by various reasons such as lack of commitment, being convenience-based, non-exclusivity and casual sex. With busy schedules, it is hard to keep up a full-time relationship with the constant following up and worrying about the other person. Nevertheless, basic needs like casual flirtation, sex, and general company are a necessity. Therefore, situationships embody hedonistic tendencies of pursuing pleasure and self-indulging with no strings attached, i.e. doing what’s best for you and pursuing fun. There is no need to talk about emotions or worry about being the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. As some would say: it is all benefits! However, the harsh reality is that (in some cases) the person in the situationship just does not like you enough to fully commit, yet they still want to reap the benefits. Despite this, situationships work for some people: why not have some casual fun? Life can be so stressful at times, even British Vogue covered how to embrace the thrilling uncertainty of situationships. After all, it does bring some excitement and mysteriousness into our lives.
Nevertheless, to get to the question on everyone’s mind – do situationships turn into relationships? And if they do, how often does it happen? This transition is possible in some rare cases allowing the situationship to move out of the battlefield and into the bedroom. Some would even say that a situationship can benefit a relationship as it can be a stepping-stone towards the creation of a romantic exclusive and trusting relationship. This is because situationships can be considered as a ‘getting to know phase’ in order to establish some sort of rapport. If viewed like this, a situationship can be called a test phase or temporary probation. The key to this is communicating freely to understand the feelings of both parties involved and having some established boundaries. Then, it is possible for the relationship to bloom and become the IT couple that would satiate all the ‘what ifs’ you asked yourself repeatedly.
Despite these occurrences being prevalently rare, they have turned into myths giving hope to all those involved in situationships. However, this only leads to an increased population of people who keep telling themselves that one day it will happen and spend months, even years waiting for the right time. During this period, poor friends and family, who are basically a vital part of the situationship, need to hear about all the issues and doubts that plague your brain. This hope is apparent on a Google Search; by just typing in situationship to relationship, thousands of articles and videos show up with titles like ’13 ways to turn your situationship into a relationship’ or ‘how to turn a situationship into a real relationship’. The reality of it is that you just need to accept one key point: “he’s just not that into you”! If he were, the feeling in the pit of your stomach eating you up at night would be instead replaced by a sense of tranquility and phenomenal sex. It is true that situationships without the boring relationship part of having to text, follow up, and ask how your day was, can also have phenomenal sex, hence a failed situationship to relationship experiment can turn into a situationship to friends with benefits. The key difference between these two is that it turns the grey zone of situationships into an established no romance, only sex on a needed basis interaction.
Some might argue that this is possible, but defendants of this shift in attitude are clearly lying to themselves. For a period, casual sex and random hookups will seem doable and appealing, especially if it is just ‘that good’! However, with time it will always leave you wanting more. The key reason for turning a situationship into a friend with benefits interaction is because the idea of losing the other person that you developed feelings for is unimaginable and hence, you accept having a relationship of ‘just sex’ to not let go of them. In reality, the feelings of the situationship never vanish and hence there will always be a glimpse of hidden hope that the friend with benefits realizes he likes you and asks you out.
The real possible endings for the situationship are either for it to fizzle out on its own, one of the players in the situationship finds someone else they’re more interested in and moves on, or a nuclear bomb drops and the situationship explodes in everyone’s face. Do not panic though; despite all the unwanted endings, the possibility of relationships will still exist. This is the one between you and your friend who bore the brunt of the situationship, and despite not being able to stand you for the past few months or years, will still be willing to wipe your tears away and turn into the biggest hater of your ex- situationship. Shockingly, despite situationships being the cause of paranoia, panic attacks, feeling like you want to rip your hair out, as well as occasional butterflies in the stomach, according to Mashable a 2022 Tinder study found that Gen Z is embracing the situationship as a valid relationship status and sometimes prefer it to an actual relationship. Between January and October 2022, Tinder saw a 49% increase of members adding situationship to their bios. Well apparently, it is time for out with the old and in with the new. The new standard is situationships.
Situationships are being treated as acceptable because they are said to put less pressure on the people involved and are perfect for those who are avoidant and do not want to get too attached. However, that just means there are unresolved attachment and avoidant issues. Happiness is rarely an outcome of the Situationship Curse, and a recent survey found that situationships ‘negatively impact a person’s happiness, lead to stress, dissatisfaction, … uncertainty, … and can also affect a person’s career and job satisfaction’. Therefore, it is crucial to break away from the Situationship Curse and venture out into the brave world of relationships. It might be scary at first due to the fear of rejection, yet the end result is worth it and will lead to tranquility of the mind and body. Continuing down the path of situationships might lead you to book a one-way ticket to an Ashram in India to finally have an exorcism and put an end to the Situationship Curse.
Edited by Roxy-Moon Dahal Hodson
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